Sauce Bologna-ese

One of my peers sold his establishment recently. It brought back one my favorite cooking stories.

He and I worked together back in the excessive 80's at a very trendy upscale new American Vermont country inn. That's a mouthful right there. I would run a contest once a year called "The Bologna Cook-off". All the kitchen staff would participate. We had some classics like the Maine Cupped Bologna, ethnic treats like a nice Sweet & Sour Bologna and the cutting edge "Bologna in Three Styles". My favorite recipe came from my friend Michael. The simplicity speaks to his considerable skill set

Here is his recipe, reprinted without his knowledge or consent

Chef Michael Flanagan's Sauce Bologna-ese

• grind bologna in food processor
• add tomato paste
• add hot water to consistency
• season with traditional spices

That's it. Ready to serve over your favorite pasta. Gotta love the "add hot water" line. He actually made it and we keepers of the haute cuisine of Vermont ate it for staff dinner.

Killingsmanship?

Readers are aware our son is a solider with 509th Airborne. He is a sargeant and good at his job. He posted a comment from one his charges on Facebook. It's worth sharing

"I've learned all sorts of things from you, Sergeant. Like, killingsmanship....and manners. It's badass!"

Good manners are never out of style.

My Plan for Peace on Earth

I have a plan, a doable plan to bring peace everywhere. A bold claim flawless in it's logic, more visionary than all the political leaders of all the countries (not hard) and fun to boot. I developed this plan while I was flying over Scottsdale, Arizona. Lots and lots of swimming pools was all I could see. You need one piece of information before I get you to drink the kool-aid. Half of the fresh water in the world is in Canada. I read it years ago when the internet was known as books. I strongly suggest you invest in anything swimming pool related now.

Here goes step by step

1. Fix hockey. I have some surefire ways to get the NHL back to its glory. First, no team can be in a city where ice does not occur naturally. Sorry Tampa, San Diego and Phoenix. Second, move the net away from board. A little more room in the "office".  Third, puck is live when a fights break out. Go ahead fight but see how happy your fans are when your team gets scored on. Fight on, game on.
2. Become President of the United States. How hard can it be?
3. Invade Canada. Trust me this will be easy. Not like " we will be greeted as liberators" easy. For real easy. How do I know? See step 1. I fixed hockey, the Canucks love me. I'll do it on a Saturday night when they are all watching Hockey Night in Canada on CBC. Why invade Canada? Weapons of mass desruction? Maybe but I don't care. Are they harboring terroists and evildoers? Probably but again, I don't care. They have half of the fresh water in the world and I want it.
4. Start building swimming pools at every house near the equator. There is not enough water in those desert countries to build swimming pools. Who is holding all the water? The same greedy folks that have all those oil tankers coming over everyday. We are just gonna fill them with water and sell it back. The ultimate world economy stimulation package. The reason people are always fighting is not God. All are pretty much the same. Love people like me, hate everyone else and I'll give you a present when you die. Not sooner--you must die first to get the present. It's the heat. They are tired hot cranky and a little itchy. Peaceful countries are in more temperate climates, crazy people who are always pissy seem to be closer to the equator. North Korea is the odd man out here but really all they do is say they are going to do something. Like a stoned roommate " someday I'll". Sure you will. This is why you should follow my investment advice.
5. Watch peace happen. This is the fun part. When the angry folks are ready to start up another of their mindless quarrels it gets postponed. " Oh so sorry , no fighting today my son is having a pool party for his 6th grade class. Maybe tomorrow" And so it goes, no one has the time. Just like in Scottsdale between work and cooling off there is no time left to fight. Awesome!

Scrod Low-retta

 

I grew up in the Northwest corner of Connecticut and hung out with a chef friend named Harvey. He worked at a little steakhouse in downtown Litchfield. Harv ended up cheffing at this place after a brief stint at the Litchfield Country Club. Not really a country club but the acronym was the same, Litchfield Correctional Center. Apparently you aren't supposed to be married to more than one woman at a time in puritanical New England. Who knew?

Harvey was a 6'4" and I don't know how many pounds Southerner. He came up with all kinds of strange names for food. Kansas City Soup, Lazy Lucy's Lasagna or Cream Puff Crab Etouffe.

One day Harv says to me " Hey Ger, wanna try some of my scrod Low-retta?"

I knew better to ask before tasting after sampling his Kerosene Ketchup.

His inspiration for this dish " Scrod Low-rretta, I named it after a good women gone bad.....jus like the fish"

No thanks, I'll pass.

"I Have a Kitchen Because It Came With the House"

My sister-in law Norma lives in Rhode Island,one of my favorite states. Narraganset is my favorite all time beach. Sorry Elbow Beach and Panama City Beach. But this is no story about me name dropping the fancy places I've been. It's about Norma. She does not like to cook. I am not even sure if she knows how. Somehow her oldest is a dedicated cook making a living working the New England shoreline. But none of this is funny, let's get to the funny.

Norma has a stove (because it came with the house) with a hood above it. She always wanted to remodel the kitchen and take out the stove and replace it with a comfy chair.

"How nice to have that light overhead to read by and an exhaust fan in case I want to smoke" she said.

That is quite the image. Maybe I can get some furturistic Norman Rockwell to paint a picture of it. Not quite the "ah shucks" imagery of the local barbershop but just as telling.