How do you get a..... off your porch

Up here we are fond of New England Culinary Institute (NECI) founded in Montpelier Vermont. NECI has some natural rivals with Culinary Institute of America (CIA) in Hyde Park New York and Johnson & Wales (Whalies) in Providence Rhode Island. NECI is the  new kid on the block and has that underdog / little man mentality. I heard this joke from a Whalie who was a NECI instructor.

How do get a Johnson & Wales graduate off your porch? Pay him for the freakin' pizza.

Feel free to throw in any rival you have, it's a one size fits all joke. Give it a try.